I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
