just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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