I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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