that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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