I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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