I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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