So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
