i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
