seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize