I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
