I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
