Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need a beard to bite.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize