This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
