This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
