You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
