WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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