can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
