Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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