Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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