also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
