He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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