Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
