i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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