end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
