I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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