awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize