Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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