i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
