I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
