i think my mom watched the whole time
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
