Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
