hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
