he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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