Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
