also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize