I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
