Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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