Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
