this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
