Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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