these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
