So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
