I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
