Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
