well I can't set my house on fire every night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
