I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
