Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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