can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
