i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
