your thong is hanging out like whoa
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
