today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
