Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
a search helicopter?!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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