were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
