just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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