A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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