Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
