obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
