Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
