The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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