love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
