After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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