I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize