It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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