well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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