got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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