it was like his penis was on wheels.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize