I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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