No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
