nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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