i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
