Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
