If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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