OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
