My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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