Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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